How to Approach a Colleague You Think Might Be Struggling
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
In most workplaces, and life in general, people have learned to carry on.
Deadlines are met. Meetings are attended. Emails are answered. From the outside, everything can look fine, even when it isn’t.
Often, there are quieter signs that something may be off, and it is usually a colleague or manager that will be the first to notice;
A shift in mood.
Withdrawal from conversations.
Changes in energy, focus, or communication.
And when we notice these changes in a colleague or employee, it can leave us with an uncomfortable question:
“Should I say something?”
For many people, whether you’re a manager, HR professional, or teammate, the answer isn’t straightforward. It is common to worry about overstepping, saying the wrong thing, or making the situation worse.
And yet, avoiding the conversation altogether can leave someone feeling unseen or alone, and could prevent an opportunity for positive change.
So how do you approach someone in a way that is supportive, respectful, and appropriate?
Start with Noticing, Not Diagnosing
It can be tempting to interpret or label what we think is happening:
“They seem burnt out”
“He’s clearly stressed”
“She’s struggling with her mental health”
But these assumptions, even when well-meaning, can create distance.
Instead, focus on what you’ve noticed, not what you believe it means.
For example:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quieter than usual in meetings”
“You don’t seem quite yourself lately”
This keeps the conversation grounded, gentle, and non-intrusive.
Create a Safe Opening
How you begin matters.
A supportive approach is usually:
Private (one to one)
Calm
Without urgency or pressure
You don’t need a perfect script. In fact, simplicity often works best:
“I just wanted to check in, how have you been lately?”
“I’ve noticed a few changes and wanted to see how you’re doing”
The goal isn’t to extract information - it’s to open a door.
Be Prepared for Any Response
One of the most important things to hold in mind is this:
They may not want to talk - and that’s okay.
A supportive conversation isn’t defined by how much someone shares, but by how safe they feel if they choose to.
You might hear:
“I’m fine, just busy”
“It’s nothing, really”
Or a more open and honest response
Each of these are valid.
What matters is how you respond:
Stay calm
Avoid pushing
Let them set the pace
For example:
“That’s completely okay; I just wanted you to know I’m here if you ever do want to talk”
Listen to Understand, Not to Fix
If someone does open up, it can feel natural to want to help by offering solutions or advice.
But often, what people need most is simply to be heard.
You don’t need to have answers, you don’t need to “solve” anything.
Instead:
Give them space to speak
Reflect back what you’re hearing
Acknowledge their experience
For example:
“That sounds really difficult” or “I can hear how much that’s been affecting you”
This kind of response builds trust far more than quick solutions ever could.
Know Your Role (Especially as a Manager or HR Professional)
Supporting someone doesn’t mean becoming their counsellor.
It’s important to stay within your role while still being human and compassionate.
This might include:
Reminding them of available support (EAP, counselling services, occupational health)
Exploring any workplace adjustments if appropriate
Encouraging them to seek further support if they need it
But always with a light touch and together looking at options.
Small Moments Matter More Than Perfect Words
People often worry about “getting it right.” But in reality, it’s rarely about the exact words you use.
What matters most is:
Your intention
Your presence
Your willingness to notice and reach out
A simple, genuine check-in can make someone feel seen in a way that stays with them long after the conversation ends.
Final Thoughts
Approaching a colleague you think might be struggling takes courage.
It asks you to step slightly outside of your comfort zone; without knowing how the conversation will unfold.
But when done with care, respect, and openness, it can create something quietly powerful: A moment of connection. A sense of being noticed. A reminder that someone doesn’t have to navigate things alone.
And sometimes, that’s where support really begins.
If you’d like to discuss how counselling could support your employees and your business, I’d be happy to hear from you.
📞 Call me on 07805 756 132
📧 Email me at marie@mfcounselling.co.uk
Providing counselling and psychotherapy for individuals and businesses — in Cardiff and online across the UK.
